Who/What do I Marry: You, Your Money or Your parents?

The idea of arranged marriage is very prominent in parts of Africa and different cultures claim that it is a part of the traditional values of the particular culture. It can be understood in the place where I am from not because it is considered a good thing but because there is a reason for it. Every parent in different ethnic groups do not want their children to get married to an outsider. Yoruba parents will always want their children to marry an individual of Yoruba descent likewise the Hausa parents, the Igbo parents and all other tribes. This is not because these cultures are not rich, beautiful or suitable to be embraced but because of the different terms and conditions that apply to marriage in those cultures that the parents do not want their children to be caught up in.

For instance in Hausaland, the bride gets married to the groom at the tender age of 17 years and is expected to start having kids that same year of marriage. In Yorubaland, there is a belief that a marriage without the presence of kids is an unfruitful one, therefore it is not a choice but a must. While In igboland, if there is a scenario that the husband dies, the wife has to undergo certain rituals like having all the hairs on her body shaved and having to drink the water used to bathe her husband’s body as a sign of last respect to her husband’s corpse.

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In Igboland in the olden days, as we could see in Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s “The arrangers of marriage” marriage is not just an affair between the future husband and wife but also the parents, the extended family and the villagers; The arrangers of marriage. Sometimes, the togetherness of the unknown man and woman is an agreement that has already been made by the parents of the children on the day of their birth due to incentives such as royalty, riches, fame or wealth and it has to be fulfilled. It is mostly the family of the female child that succumbs to the pressure from the family of the male child. Chinaza is forced to travel to America with her new husband the so called “doctor” who unbeknownst to the her family at home is nothing close to an attending physician just yet but has been painted to be a rich man just because he lives in the United States. The struggle becomes real for her as she is forced to become Americanized, taking the forms of changing her name, changing her food preferences and changing her British way of communicating to the American way and being deprived of speaking her own language.

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Nowadays, generally in Africa, we see how this trend is already changing. The young and new generation of Africans are already succeeding in collecting themselves from these “myths”. In the movie “coming to America,” directed by John Landis, Prince Akeem makes his father understand reasons why his marriage cannot be arranged for him, marriage with someone that has never set eyes on him but has been taught to serve and please him all her life, due to civilization and education. He then leaves his father’s house where is always overly pampered to go to the United States where he hopes to find his “Queen”. In today’s world, people want to spend their eternity with people - Notwithstanding their race, tribe or ethnicity - who would love them not for their materialistic possessions, but for their perfect imperfections.